Singleton

Okay, people.

I don’t know how many of you feel the same way I do on this issue, but I’ll tell you right now, the Holidays aren’t my thing.

Unlike Aaron Rodgers, I don’t mind being completely honest with anyone. This has been well established.

So when I go to a Dollar General or Wal-Mart, and hear holiday music, or see the stores loaded with holiday stuff just a couple of days after Halloween, it makes me want to pull my hair out.

(I shave my head, by the way.)

Can we at least get somewhat into November before the stores and radio stations blast us with Christmas? Can we at least enjoy the Thanksgiving turkey and watching the Dallas Cowboys begin their almost inevitable late-season choke job before people talk about a fat guy in a red suit carried through the air by venison?

Can this year end already?

I don’t even listen to the radio after Halloween, because I know I’m going to start hearing holiday music every other song. Today’s music is awful enough, but add every incarnation of a Christmas classic – and you get something that’ll have the ghosts Norman McFadden writes about in his “Urban Legends” screaming for Egon Spengler’s proton pack.

My birthday is July 4, and at this rate, sometime during my lifetime, I’m going to start seeing Christmas decorations getting sold next to the leftover fireworks.

Don’t get any ideas!

It’s way too early for this stuff!

Last year, Christmas threw up all over my office here at The Lincoln County Journal, thanks to a couple of my co-workers. That isn’t happening again, even if I have to lock the doors to the storage closet in my office, where a lot of the holiday gear is located.

Of course, I’m already getting bombarded by the ever-ubiquitous (and highly unrealistic) holiday commercials where a guy buys a $50,000-plus vehicle for his significant other – and has it in the front yard with a huge bow on it just in time for Christmas.

First off, how are you going to hide a vehicle that big and flashy without her seeing it? Most importantly, how are you going to get away with buying it in the first place without her finding out about beforehand?

I don’t know about many of you, but I think it’s a wonderful idea to make huge financial decisions WITHOUT consulting your significant other about them.

Missouri has the 10th-highest divorce rate in America, according to the Centers For Disease Control and Prevention.

Just a thought before you sign the paperwork on that Mercedes!

Now I already know I’m going to get called a Grinch for this one, but one has to understand, overloading some people on holiday “cheer” too soon can actually take the holiday spirit out of those people.

I became one of those people many years ago. 

Now if you’re one of those people who enjoys the holidays, that’s perfectly fine. It would be unfair of me to besmirch your time of year.

I just remember a time when we weren’t getting hammered by it so soon. 

At least no one has started decorating his or her homes for Christmas in early November in Lincoln County…yet!